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Thursday 7 May 2015

On Motherhood

Motherhood is a journey.  One that begins, I am convinced, well before the pink line on the pregnancy test.

There's timing to be considered.  Career.  Finances.  The desire to mother grows slowly.  It can take time for the stars to align, but then the congratulations roll in.  Joy on your own terms.

That's the path of the very lucky.

Some babies arrive on cue.  Others never come, though mothers' hearts are waiting.

My own path to motherhood was excruciatingly long.  I watched so many others pass ahead of me into the blissful realm of 2am feedings and endless snuggles.  I hated Mother's Day, when women who already had it all got flowers and kind words while the child-shaped hole in my heart swallowed me whole.

Until, by the magic of technology and the grace of God, I had my own sweet girl.


Motherhood, it turns out, is worth celebrating.  It's not easy watching a piece of my heart race headlong into life.  The joy of it is overwhelming.

I am mother to a growing girl, a ray of sunshine, an overflowing helping of joy.

And this year I am also mother to very small shimmer, a heartbeat lost into the arms of Jesus.

I share this because so few people understand that motherhood is heart wrenching even before it begins.  Celebrate, yes!  But please be kind to a mother in waiting.

15 comments:

  1. Oh my dearest girl, thank you for sharing your thoughts. Mother's Day is so difficult for so many - those who have lost their mothers, those who have longed for motherhood, and those for whom motherhood is a struggle. Kindness, yes, always.

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  2. You write beautifully just like your mama! :) Best wishes and blessings, Tammy

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  3. This is so beautiful Cristal. It brought tears to my eyes over your loss and your joy. Your daughter is beautiful and I'm sure your mum is very proud of you. Have a blessed Mother's Day with your little blessing.

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  4. Beautiful, important words.
    Wishing a blessed Mother's Day to you all.

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  5. What a darling little girl you have...and how beautifully you write of motherhood in all its joys and sorrows.

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  6. So beautifully written, this expresses just how I feel on Mothers day. Popped by from your Mum's blog! xx

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  7. motherhood means your heart breaks....with both joy and sorrow

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  8. She's growing up so fast, and she is absolutely adorable. Your post is poignant and moving Cristal, both heart wrenching, and heart filling from line to line.

    Jen

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  9. Visiting from your mama's today...and glad I am to read this beautiful piece. Your little girl is adorable and the way you describe her being a piece of your heart made my eyes glisten. Many blessings to you as you prepare for future children. I am sorry for your loss.

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  10. I'm visiting from your mom's blog. Such wonderful words you have written, happy and sad at the same time. Enjoy the day with your precious little girl.

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  11. Very heartwarming to read of your journey as a mother. I'm visiting from Lorrie's blog and know how special family is to her.
    Have a wonderful Mother's Day.

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  12. So well written - your story is shared by many, and even after all the years it is still hard to remember the little heartbeats, lost to me, but safe in heaven. Kindness - yes, always.

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  13. What a precious post...visiting here via your mom's blog. You have written a very heartfelt account of your journey here. And what a darling little girl you have been given to enjoy and nurture! I hope you had a most blessed Mother's Day!

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  14. I'm visiting from your Mom's space too...lovely post. I've always felt that way, that we need to be mindful of those longing. Even though that has not been my cross, I have an awareness of others' pain. And the little heartbeats lost....my daughter experienced that two years ago too. It was such an eye opener of the silent grief experienced by so many. Many blessing to you!

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  15. I am not a mother, but I feel for your loss of the "small shimmer", Cristal. I wish you, your husband and beautiful daughter much joy in the years ahead.

    Karen

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